When It Isn't Like it Should Be
by zanessalives
Summary: Troy and Gabriella are both in failing relationships and are suffering. They just want to find love again. Will it be with eachother? TROYELLA PLEASE READ I SUCK AT SUMMARIES:
1. This is Goodbye

**A new kind of way to tell the story of Troyella. Summary: Troy and Gabriella are both in failing relationships and are suffering. She finds his blogs and decides it's best to talk to him annoymously. Will they find love again? TXG minor troypay**

Somebody once told me it's okay not to be okay. It's okay to want to spend every minute with the person you love. It's alright to miss them as soon as they leave and it's acceptable to be attached and pine for somebody you love. I wanted to believe it was okay. I needed to believe it. People leave out of oppotunity,choice,fate. But sometimes they have to go, taken from us so fast old memories become distant stars fading from night through dawn. Love and life shouldnt be left to fade. The spark that keeps you together shouldnt be left to burn out and die.

I sat there. In all honesty,in despair. Deciding whether the pain was worth it.  
She had ruined me, made her way, creeping through my weak skin. Breaking my heart at every opportunity she was given but still managed to persuade me that she loved me. It was lies. I knew it was but never seemed to believe in myself for more than minutes. All just a beautiful myth. Her the beauty. Love the myth. Never once did I find her unattractive, her golden blonde hair had the scent of citrous fruit. It was definatley easy to get lost in her eyes. The affect of green emerald's were unbareable infact. Her rose red cheeks brought her natural features on show, however fake she was behind the natural she portrayed.

I feared the moment that she would leave me. Every minute of every day it was on my mind. I knew full well what she was doing. She was betraying me. She wasnt with her friends, she was with him. Whilst I sat alone. Assuming I was clueless, she carried on of course. But I was not at all misfortunate of the information I was holding behind my heart. All the facts, all the lies, all the secrets. I knew every detail. To why I continued and carried on like nothing had happened was beyond my mind. The state of mind I attempted to pursue was optimistic ofcourse.I thought she would change. Leave behind the mistakes and regrets and be mine. All mine. But that was me setting my standards further than they could reach.

I didnt want to be obsessive. I just adored the time we spent together. Never would I miss an oppotunity to be with her. Or even around her, in her presence. The decision to make me stay must have been the feeling she created In me. Not butterflies as such, as If my heart was being pulsated with bursts of energy. I could always feel my eyes lighten when I saw her face. She noticed my reactions when I saw her, she loved it. She adored this control she had over me.

Many days passed. days that felt like years. But actually, to be honest, I had felt empty for somewhat, eternity. It angered me how I had been treated, wrapped around her little finger, like a twisted string,pulled and pushed apart. Hating to admit the fact I was always down. Painful smiles placed apon my face, pretending I was content with my life. I seem depressed in this writing. To be fair, I am depressed. Over dramatic what may seem. But you have no idea. That girl is, well was, my life infact. She'll arrive home soon. From her antics, I am somewhat unaware of. I'm minutes away from swallowing my heart. Minutes away from my stomach being the pit of my dissapointment. But nevermind about me. Or her. It should be him I am angry at. My former friend. The man I relied on. Trusted.

I heard a knock at the door. The familar sound arose. She had returned from her Dinner, not with her girl-friends. My best friend.  
The wooden floorboards creeked upon her foot steps. I could feel the tention amongst the spiral stairway we owned In our apparment. She didnt even bother to say Hello, or even come up the stairs. I could hear her in the kitchen, the room above the study, Which is where I am writing this.

I atleast expected a glance of hope from her. Well deserved more than expected, because I didnt really need to expect it, I already knew what she wanted and It was not me. Today she looked at me as if we had never met. It never used to be so awkward. Before her eyes would sparkle if she saw me. The sense of appreciation was produced by her heart once, when she loved me. It was as if I made her day worthwhile, now I can feel her forgetting about me, forgetting I exsist until I fade away into her distant past. We shared good memories at one point though, the most memorable time of my life, even the pointless smiles and petty laughs we shared, they completed my complicated jigsaw. But now it's as if my brain cant hold the memories for much longer, they are falling apart. There's no room in there to store the good times because the new memories are building, building up the heart break and breaking my jigsaw.

I dont have the slightest clue where I am going with this. But I'll start here, I met Sharpay on the 19th December 2008. She was quiet, polite, and just seemed as if she had no confidence. Like she had been messed was my prediction anyway, she was timid. We had spent what seemed to be the most perfect year of my life together, at that point I felt we were infinate. But ofcourse, she had secrets kept from me. I understood why they were secrets, It added the peices together to why she was so frightened of life. A year before we had met, she was in an abusive realtionship with a guy from our old school, East High. It sounds as if she was overreacting, yes. But a fractured skull shattered her life and personality. The slightest movement I made she would flinch as if I was about to hit her. I felt like she had no trust in me, but I understood. She got over the abuse when she starting seeing my bestfriend. I guess maybe he made it better. Better than I ever could. That's what hurts the most, he's helping her and I'm holding her back.

Yesterday evening I persuaded myself to go on a walk. It was raining, pouring infact. But that just didnt stop me somehow. I found myself on the other side of town walking continiously. Not stopping for nothing or nobody. I discovered the path wasnt enough, the road was better to walk on, so I thought. A car was behind me, but I didnt stop, I carried on in the road, somehwat hoping it would hit me. So I just had an idea of how she felt. I wanted to feel the pain she felt. Partly so I could be a better man than he was. The beep of the horns made my heart race. My eyes cowarded into a shivered flinch when I heard the sound of the engine pass me. But I was a coward. I gave up and was on the safe side again. Which proves even more he was better than me. I just couldnt take it anymore.

Life is a gift and should not be wasted. That's what my father had always told me. He treated life like a treasure. A perfect possesion he would never want to let go of. He was the type of guy to pursue the quote ''When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.'' Me and my father certainly had different opinions. I wouldnt be making lemonade at this point, making the most of things, I'd be giving it back and asking for a double vodka shot. That seemed to get me through these days, The taste of alcohol burning down my throat and dissolving away at my liver. It was some sort of thrill to know I was slowly dying out. I've always wondered why my father admired that quote so much. Life isnt a gift, Even If It was, I'd be wondering where my recipet is.

As for you, Zeke. The man that has stolen everything from me. You've taken my life away from me. You have murdered me inside. Everyday, my heart has bled, I may aswell have been dead and non-exsistant. For you, prison is not enough. Suffering is not enough and your sorrow and guilt is not enough. I do not want your pittifull sorry. I want you to rely on death through your guilty conscience. I will not accept an apology. I will grant a grudge upon you for the rest of my life. The few days I have left because I am certain I will die through cold blood pumping through my wounded heart.

But I will say thank you. I should not have to. But, he has made my girlfriend the happiest she has ever been and that, right there makes me happy. Despite the pain of her rejection.

I can hear her coming up the stairs and I will admit my fingers, hands to my arms and shoulders are shaking. With fear or anxiety. I dont know. Ive felt too many emoticions for me to handle. Shes so elegant, even when she walks up the stairs. Even If I can only hear and not see her. It just sounds soft. Like when there Is a breeze on a summer day. Agressive, but gentle. Cold yet warm and soothing to my ears. At this moment In time I am writing in anger at the arrogant actions my wife is taking. I expected a hello and recieved ignorance. I can not see because the scrap of tears i have left are like acid burning away at my skin. I cant do this anymore.

Im going to stop this. To prevent life depression. Its not needed in my life any longer, I need to pursue a new life. I can find someone who likes me for me. Someone who likes my laugh, likes my smile, my hair, my personality, the way I do things and just like me. They dont need to Love me. Love isnt a force. It's a chance someone takes when they dont understand why they get a funny feeling in their stomach everytime they see them. An instant possibility of hope, happiness and a new lifestyle. It is not a force. It isnt something you have to make yourself do. Commitment is an instant promise to the heart. I guess thats something we never had. But It will be something I find with somebody else. I deserve it and so does another person In the world like me. Who Is suffering for their partners love.

This Is goodbye. To you. To the pain and the suffering and my deceased life. It will be hard I know that, but I dont want to miss you anymore. It hurts too much.

Troy logged out of his blog and sighed.  
''So where have you been Shar?'' He asked holding back the anger.  
''Just out with Gabs and the girls.'' She was lying straight through her teeth and at this point Troy's passionate anger got the better of him. *SMASH* Troy's newly cracked nuckles had just shattered the mirror beside them. Sharpay shook with fear not understanding why her boyfriend had shown such an angry side to him.

''IM SICK OF YOU SHARPAY. you are cheating on me with zeke and I know you are! How could you be so disgusting? I want you to pack your things and get out. stay away from me.'' He burst and could felt tears sending waves through his ocean eyes. She gulped and looked at him so tenderly.  
''I'm so sorry, I just didn't feel the same anymore Troy. I know you can never understand and I have been so wrong in our relationship. I just want to be friends. I'm sorry.'' She went to their previous shared room, packed her things and left. He sat for minutes that seemed like hours in silence.

**soooo! how was it? i know its depressing at the moment but it gets better!:) please review :D **


	2. Secret Stranger

**It means alot to me recieving reviews. I just feel unconfident right now as I haven't gotten any :( ahwell my passion for writing will never end!**

Gabriella winced as she heard her boyfriend of 10 months came up the stairs screaming her name. He had just got back from being at a bar with his friends, so she knew she was In for danger tonight. She didn't want to be with him anymore. There was no connection between them, apart from the times his fist connected with her body. He sometimes took his anger too far. She didn't get the chance to fight back because he would make it worse. She hadnt told any of her friends, not even Troy and he was her bestest friend. She knew Troy had enough on his plate the way Sharpay bitched about him, how he was always miserable and how they hadn't spoke In so long.

''GABRIELLA! girl answer me.'' Mark, Her boyfriend shouted.  
''I'm...I'm upstairs in my bedroom...'' She flinched as he took the door of its hinches.  
''I hear you've been out with Sharpay and the girls huh? I know what she's like Brie and I do not like you being around her. Do you think it's nice that she's giving you tips on cheating on me huh?'' He didn't give her the chance to reply. He just glared at her waiting for her soft wimpers as he beat her. When he was finished, he left, It was like he hadnt even been there. He showed no emotion as she cried all the tears she could possibly give away. He just glared.

Gabriella sighed and went on her laptop. She had no source of friend for advice as she didn't want to tell them what had been going on. She sighed as she typed in the corny question into google ''I'm not in Love anymore, what do I do?'' and there It was. Troy's Blog. She glanced at the page in shock. She had no idea what he had gone through, she didn't know it was this bad.

She gulped._ How could I neglect him like that?_ She thought. Oh That was right. Mark. He didn't allow Gabriella to communicate with Troy. He said he was a 'bad egg' and that he would take her away from him. She cringed at the thought of the memory and started to type In the comment box of Troy's blog.

_I know how you feel. Want to chat? I'm here, even If you feel like you don't know me. Stranger girl x  
_  
She pressed enter and re-read over and over the blog that broke her heart. Troy meant everything to her. They were only friends but In high school she had always felt more for him. She was so happy when him and Sharpay got together but she knew In her heart she didn't deserve him. Not through jealousy, but because she knew he deserved the best any girl could offer.

She picked up her white Iphone 4s and typed In his number she memorised of by heart. Mark had deleted his number. Every boys number for that matter. She sighed looking through her empty contact list but continued to type the text.

_Hey you. Miss you alot buddy! Hope everything is well, Please see me soon. Im not sure if you have my new number. I kind of changed it... Gabriella.  
_  
She lied through her fingers typing that text. She didn't change her number. Not through her own free will anyway. Mark forced her. She closed her eyes thinking about all the horrible memories she had the past 10 months, she couldn't believe she had let it got this far. She just needed somebody to talk too. _Hopefully Troy will reply and we can talk... even If He doesn't know its me. _She thought wishfully thinking she could finally become true to herself and her best friend.

**This chapter was so short! but I wanted to make sure the story made sense! please review and enjoy:) **


	3. Kisses that felt like words

**I have one review on this story and feel quite gutted, haha! hopefully there are people out there reading, zanessa lives!**

Troy smiled at his phone. He had missed her. The girl with the chocolate brown eyes and the dark coco coloured hair. She was beautiful, and at one point, he loved her. _If Only I fell for her before Sharpay. _He didn't think it was possible to love anyone now after she broke his heart, it was upsetting because he knew she was happy without him now and he was still feeling more pain and guilt than she was.

_Hello beautiful, I miss you too. see me as soon as possible! T._

He bite his lip with nerves. God Did I sound like a creep in that message? He sighed and waited for her reply. ''Shit! I havent even looked at my blog today!'' This was a strange feeling for Troy, he wrote new things for his blog everyday, it was the only way he could express himself, nobody knew about his blog, well thats what he had assumed.

He had recieved a comment on his latest post, this was something he hadn't experienced before. He only ever recieved views. His heart raced wondering who it could be. _Annoymous reply? seriously! I dont even know who this person is._ He frowned and it turned into a huge grin before he could even read the rest of his message. Someone out there, in the huge lonely world, cared about him. And they didn't even know who he was.

Mark had gone for a week. This could possibly be the happiest moment of Gabriellas life right there. She could be free for the week! She smiled from ear to ear at that thought and went on her laptop to see Troy's possible reply.

_Wow. I didn't think anyone could care about me. even if it is a stranger. Thank you. Mail me sometime? hope you're okay. Fellow stranger boy ;)_

Her heart shattered into a million pieces. How could he feel so much pain? She needed to see him. And with that, she closed her eyes and breathed, picked up her phone and waiting for them to answer.

''Brie?''A small whisper came from the other end of the line. She started to shake. What you didn't know was Gabriella hadn't spoken to Troy in One year, Four months, and 27 Days.  
''He..Hey, Troy. Do you want to come over?'' No reply was heard. she waited two minutes in silence waiting.  
''Well... I guess you wouldn't want too. I'm sure you're busy. I'm sorry I didn't speak to you...'' She sighed and hung up with tears burning her eyes.

''You're such a dick Troy.'' He insulted himself, threw the phone at the wall and made his way to her house.

Troys POV

Why have I got to be such a douche! Shes one of the most important people in my life and I couldn't even hold a conversation with her. I don't know how she took that, probably now hates me. But god she's too beautiful to lose. Whenever I used to talk to her i'd get the urge to just kiss her. Maybe it would be better If I did that and got it all out of my system...

End of POV

There it was. Her house never had seemed so haunted and dead until now, there was no life around it. No flowers, nothing Gabriella like. He looked around confused as if he had got the wrong house. He knocked on the door and a petite figure appeared.  
''Troy? I wasn't really expecting you here...'' She said, timid. not like the Gabi he knew before.

''I'm sorry brie, can I come in?'' He pleaded looking straight into her eyes. She nodded and he followed her into her living room.  
''Woah Gabs. Whats up? you seem so different, your house was never like this before.'' He said looking around at the damp mess what seemed to be everywhere.  
She shot her head down in embarrassment, her face went from pale to red, the first expression that appeared on her face in months.

''Oh, Brie I didn't mean anything like that, I'm sorry I just wondered If you were okay.'' He held her chin up by his three fingers. He didn't even think before he gently kissed her lips. It was like their lives had no problems anymore. The tingle that went through their veins was more than love. She pushed him away in shock ''Troy what are you doing! I have a boyfriend are you crazy?'' She shot back in anger scared at what Mark would say if he had found out.

''I just wanted to feel something again Gabriella.'' She bite her lip and pushed him against the wall kissing him so passionatley she had got out all the feelings.

''Troy, I think you should go this isn't right, I have a boyfriend and he wouldn't be happy if he found out. Please, this was a mistake just go.'' She pouted in dissapointment as she sent him away and watched him go. Shivers went up her spine as she signed back onto her laptop and there it was, Troys reply. She smiled a small smile and started to type a message.

_My boyfriend hurts me. I've never told anyone that before. But I feel like you should know. Well, to learn that I sort of feel the same way. I feel alone too, and I feel as if there is no one around to protect me, Well there's this one guy, he's always made me feel protected. I pushed him away because my boyfriend forced me too. I wish I never did because I really think I loved that boy. Thanks for listening._

As Troy read the reply he somehow got a sense of Gabriella's touch. It was as if it was written by her. But ofcourse not, he thought. ''Gabriella is too strong to allow somebody to do that to her.''


	4. Tired eyes, Tired minds, Tired Souls

**I have full writers block so I really apologise if this chapter sucks! Spread the word on my story please :) thanks for the nice reviews!**

Gabriella layed on her bed alone. Mark would be home in three days and she was trying to prepare herself for it.

She was petrified for him to find out about Troy, somehow he found everything out even if she didn't tell him. She sighed and dialed the number on her phone.

''Hey Brie.. I didn't expect you to call. What's up?'' Troy answered.  
''Umm, I need to talk to you. Can you come over? It's important.

They said their goodbyes and hung up. This could be one of the worst mistakes of her life.

About 45 minutes later, he turned up. Gabriella gulped in guilt and let him inside.  
'So Whats up?'' He broke the awkward silence and she looked at him sincerely in his blue eyes.

''Troy, I think it's best our friendship ends here. It makes everything complicated.'' She whispered, not sure how he would take the news. A flash of anger stormed past Troy's eyes. She had never seen him like this before.

''Is that what I get? For being there for you all these years? After finally getting you back after a year that's what I get Gabriella? Why are you being so selfish!'' He shouted right in her face at this moment, Tears streaming down her eyes as the one guy she relied on was leaving.

''TROY! stop! I didn't mean it like that! please can you just listen to me! Hear me out!'' She held onto his muscley arm not wanting to let go. Troy pushed her away in anger so forcefully she fell to the floor.

A small wimper sprung from Gabriellas timid lips. ''I thought you were different.'' Those words hit Troy hard. He kneeled down beside his best friend and she flinched when he put his hand on her cheek.

''Stay.. away from me.'' She cried. ''I dont want you in my life Troy, You're just like him.'' _Just like who?_ He thought, feeling alot more worried than before. She gasped and put her hand over her mouth when she had realised what she'd said. ''Nothing. It doesn't even matter. Not like you care, or ever have.'' She spat.

The anger was released again and couldn't stop it. ''You bitch! How could you say that? After everything I've done for you. Ungrateful little girl. I don't know why i have wasting all this time being your friend, Gabriella.'' He spat her name out like it was venom rolling of his tongue.

''Here for me? Don't give me that. You never even noticed I was still here for the past year. It's been a whole year since you spoke to me. One year and 5 months today Troy. Nice to see you cared to check on me.''

''YOU NEVER TALKED TO ME EITHER! Since you got you're dumb boyfriend you havent given me a chance to talk to you! Well, I hope you too are happy together because I will most definitely NOT be in your life anymore.'' Gabriellas heart burst with fear. _What was I going to do without Troy._

''Troy no, please stay I don't want you to go.'' She cried hugging him so tight.

''Get off me.'' He said. no expression on his face.  
''Troy I need you.'' She looked into his eyes so sad. More sad than she has ever been before.

''Screw you , Gabriella. I'd probably still be happy with Sharpay if she didn't start seeing you girls. Put idea's into her head huh? So she'd go off with Zeke and you would finally get a guys attention? Im sure Mark hasn't from what I've heard.''

And that was it. Before thinking she sent her hand right across his face, leaving a bright red mark placed on his skin. Troy looked at the girl below him, he'd never seen her so genuinly hurt before. He didn't know why he had said what he did but somehow it felt right to say. Within seconds he sent it back. He, Troy Bolton slapped the girl he cared about most back.

There was silence. nothing could be said, not by Troy. He'd never hit a girl. Especially Gabriella.  
''Brie please, I didn't mean too... Im sorry Im so so sorry.. baby.'' He held her into his chest to attempt to comfort her after his actions.

''Stay the hell away from me. You're a jerk Troy. How could you. and don't call me that. I have a boyfriend and he is much better than you!Im tired of this, of you. of fighting.'' She lied, pushing him away with force.

''I'm sorry.'' He cried, leaving before she could see the tears in his eyes.

Three day's had passed. Mark was due home today. Gabriella hadn't left her room since. It occured to her she hadn't checked Troy's blog. As much as she didn't want too, her instinct was telling her too, and there it was. He replied.

_I'm so sorry to hear that. No one should deserve what you have been through, you need to leave him. It'll be okay just surround yourself by the people who love you most. I'm not the best person to talk to about this, I really hurt my bestest friend the other day. Physicially. I don't even know why. I would never want to hurt her, but she said she didn't want to be my friend anymore and well, that broke my heart. I don't want her to be just my friend, I love her. I've always loved her. Could I possibly meet you sometime? I know that sounds strange considering I just told you something awful and probably scary. But I'm not a bad guy at heart, promise._

Gabriellas mind froze. Should she meet Troy? and reveal it was her all along? Would he hate her for it? For pretending to be somebody else? Well. She hadn't lied or pretended anything. It was truth. what she said was true. She just hadn't told him her name. Which he didn't ask to know in the first place. She pondered on her thoughts and typed back.

_I would love to meet you._

She couldn't go back now. She had sent it and not even had a second thought about it. forgetting Mark ofcourse. As he slammed open the door she shut her laptop down, forgetting to log out...

''Hey Mark'' She smiled a weak smile at him.  
''Screwed anyone whilst I was away?'' He spat.  
''What? why would I do that.'' She replied worried about his reaction. ''I know how girls like you are. Always wanting more from whoever they can get their hands on.'' Mark never made any sense to Gabriella. If she wanted someone else why was she still with him? Wait. She thought. She had totally just contradicted her thoughts. She kissed Troy. Whilst with Mark.

She bit her lip, frightened of what to say. ''I need to go to work, Mark. I promise I'll be home soon. I swear.'' She lied. She was going to see Troy. But Troy didn't know he was going to see Gabriella. He was expecting to see the girl he had been talking to online for days.

''If you're not back by 5 Im not going to be very happy, Gabriella.'' Mark answered, looking at the clock which said 4:05pm. 55 minutes. That was all she had. To explain everything to Troy about the past week she had pretended to be someone else.

''Ofcourse'' She replied, leaving the house.

When Gabriella had finally left and was distant from the house, Mark went through her phone. Texts from Troy. The texts she hadn't deleted. Anger flushed through his body. His fists pumped. He screamed and threw the phone against the wall. His head turned. _Gabriellas laptop. _His nostrills flared as he opened it up revealing Troy's blog and all the messages passed to eachother.

''So, Troy doesn't know who the slut is. We will soon see about that.'' He sniggered, printing out a copy of every single message.

Gabriella finally reached the meeting place Troy arranged to meet the 'girl' and sat in her car. She breathed deeply and went to get out before she noticed Mark was behind her. _SHIT I knew I shouldn't have stopped at Sharpays._ This gave Mark time to catch up with Gabriella.

She saw Mark head into the bar with what seemed like a stack of papers. _Messages._

Troy looked up as he heard his name being spat. There was Mark shoving papers where Troy was sat.

''So Bolton messing with my girl huh?'' Troy shook his head, _What if Gabriella told him about the kiss?_

''No Mark I haven't so you can run along now, Dick!'' He snickered at Marks anger.

''Care to explain these blog comments and messages then Bolton?'' Troy frowned. _That wasn't Gabriella. It was Stranger girl. _The stranger girl he had poured his heart out to. The same girl he admitted to loving his best friend too. It couldnt be gabriella.

Troy looked down at the messages and read them... one by one. He opened his mouth in shock. How could she lie to him like that? But most of all.. how could she not tell him about Mark? Troy Got up and slammed mark against the bar smashing a pint glass onto his head.

''HOW DARE YOU EVEN TOUCH GABRIELLA! YOU SICK BASTARD!'' Mark laughed, ''Didn't you do the same Bolton? I read the message. You hit her.''  
And with that Troy let Mark go. Leaving the bar in tears. Tears he had never experienced before. He was crying at what he had done.

He got outside and saw Gabriella in her car. Looking at him with pleading eyes for forgiveness. He frowned to show how hurt he was. She could see the tears in his eyes and bit her lip, mouthing ''I'm so sorry Troy.'' He walked away as she mouthed ''I love you.''


End file.
